Now im pissed.

Yea its only been a few hours since I just wrote a post about how Im not feeling this shit.  but im backkkkkkkkk.  So If you cant tell, Im mad, Im mad as hell actually.  WTF.  So im feeling a bit insecure about this girl I am dating she’s pretty and shes kinda hot.  Big deal right, I’ve been there before but I cant go psycho on her, I dont wnt to scare her.  Why would I go psycho you ask? good question.  I guess as cocky as I seem I still am insecure about certain things, im not really cocky people just get the wrong fucking impression.  What ever they can go and kiss my ass.  So She is going to tonight some business dinner bull shit, im kinda threatened by the people at this place not sure as to what these people are like but I’m guessing they are snobby assholes witha  lot of cash to throw around.  Im not living on the street but Im not out of controll either.  I dont know.

I just dont fucking know, I hate when I say that I dont know makes me seem like im a lost case and never know what the deal is.  I guess Im so freaked out about this relationship its killing me inside like I dont know what to do or say, Its been going great as a matter of fact well as great as it gets, sex is OK.  Not the best but we’re working on it.  She;s not a freak at all so I gotta ease up into it.  Im trying to take it easy she’s on the pill so I can do my thing w.out much worry, Thats a relief.  back to my threatning situation, im kinda scared to loose her, its her big shindig and move to the metropolis and im afraid of loosing her, I really love her and care aobut her, me in love? oh god not again, I keep falling in love with every fucking girl I meet.  But its weird that I havent really cheated on her, ok ok shut up, I know you read my last few posts but I dont think I did.  Seriously, I havent fucked another chick in a while, I didint even kiss any one.  Last night that ebony cutie I was with? no way didnt even tap that, she seemed kinda horny though and wanted to get off maybe but nah, I keep tlakin about this girl over and over with everyone I meet and its pissing people off.  Especially the girls as I dont seem to have much friends that are girls anymore.  Fuck what am I doing?  My chick is so into her new live that I think that its going to dwindle down and im gonna get sthooped.  Oh shit, and that would blow cuz as it is I drink alot and have been maybe noticing a problem and I smoke a lot more…stressed a little with this job changing thing Im trying to do and business has been sorta ,umm how should I put it.  NOT there.  that benz im looking into this weekend I hope I get it, It should keep my mind busy for a while, something else to concentrate my time on rather than this girl.  I need to stay busy.  I do keep thinking about my ex, and I dont know why.  Well I do know why cuz she had a pencil waist and a phat booty.  haha… did I just say that?

well back to this girl, shes going out im pissed off, a little upset and threatened but I cant act like a psycho so I got to ease up a little bit.  I need a drink and forget about this shit, not text her all night and go home.  I feel like an ass, I feel like I should be tapping some though, someone elses so i dont feel so bad about feeling so Homo’ish and feeling bad for myself.

all tied up

So I have been seeing this girl for a while, one of the girls I told you about earlier.   Its been going ok, but I dont think I like her personality much, she is starting to come around I guess but I dont know.  Its been fun the sex sucks a little but what do I expect.  I just broke up with a latin girl, well I diditn break up with her, she found a new man after repeted attempts to try to date me , ok ok fine 2yrs she tried.  but man was the sex hot.  You dont understand she would put on outfits and the whole nine yard, it was amazing.  Cant getinto much details right now, just dont feel it.  Im fucking sober.  ANy how more later.

This ones for you bitch.

So you think you are all hot shit? maybe people think you are, but as I get to know you more and more, I start to realize that in the heat of the moment with a boner and a few drinks any girls starts to look good. ok so Given i didint meet you at a club nor did I meet you at a dark alley where I didint know what I was looking at. I saw you in the broad daylight while being completely sober. The closer I get to you I realize that I cant stand your personality, I cant stand you. I hate almost everything bout you, I dont like they way you dress the way you look sometimes and the annoying shit that you do. Its ok. So all I want to do right now is call you up and bitch you out, I feel like drinking but you know what I;m going to be strong and not do that, because If I give in and drink myself to sleep again over you. I will be giving into you something shallow or something. What ever who gives a fuck, bottom like you suck, I dont like most things about you, so you are hot! big fucking deal, I guess after being with you I realized that fact that I can get with anyone else just as hotter if not hotter than you. Its all about ME bitch I gotta stop living for girls. I need to live for me.

I know I know.

So its been a while sue me. I have been dating this girl now, and yes I have been faithful. Its amazing how people change, one minute you are doing one thing the next minute all you can think of is this one person. So Im still job searching, well not searching just keeping my options open as it is the summer and not looking to rock the boat. I want to chill out a bit and take it easy. This bitch im dating, oh shit. Did I just call her a bitch? yes cuz im fucking pissed off, thats why I signed on, yes ohh poor you, you have to hear about me bitch right now right? well tought luck, its my blog so deal with it. So remember that trip a few weeks back? yea the one where I couldent make up my fucking mind as to what the fuck I wanted to do with myself? i.e. go to london or go somewhere else? yea apparently? Im glad I went to london as ……oh fuck it who cares. well you care so I;ll keep writing, so apparently she had a lot of fun there so Im glad I didint go, but now im pissed. WHy? we werent togather? why should I be pissed? maybe im pissed because no matter how much I say that I will not get attached, I end up getting fucked at the end anyways. I knwo what you think, im sort of an asshole right? no im not. I am an asshole with a heart, im a special kind. I feel for people, yes I do. Dont tell me I dont. I really really do, like this girl, I really liked her hence I went through all the trouble as I did so far to let her know that and the dumb shit I have been doing for her and all. Maybe its just a waste, so I am being faithfull to her big fucking deal. Shes out doing her thing, why do I get stuck with the girls that I dont click with? and the ones I do, I turn them away? maybe thats just a part of life, the ones you chase = you get hurt, and the ones that chase you = you turn them away. Life;s a bitch then you die right?

Paging passenger &*$#

Paging passenger Singh, paging passenger Yu; 730pm, last flight to London for the night if I don’t get on this one, I’m not going. Trying to figure out how I can get ahold of the free wi-fi at the airport, as if they didn’t rob me of all my change at the parking now they want me to leave my left kidney so I can check my facebook account to see if the last friends request was the hottie my friend was trying to hook me up with. So I cant get online and am checking out this cutie sitting there across from me she looks bored, maybe I should go and keep her company, but im not good at that, I cant just walk up to a girl and just start conversating. Im shy, yea shy call it that.

Have the look of death on my face, as I am depressed, I should be somewhere else, going somewhere else, unsatisfied with the domestic beer I just had to drink as they didn’t have goose at the bar. They should be a rule against bars not having goose.

I miss her, I rather be down in California right now, I much rather be staring at palm trees drinking a mojito, I don’t even like mojitos but its just something you have to do, when you are in sunny warm weather, rather I am waiting to board a plane taking off for londo,n, rain cold, and dreary. I cannot wait to go there, I am visiting a few friend, and I am only there for 3days then Im right back to the rind of the good ole, NYC. Giving the finger, now why would you do that? It’s the BQE what do you expect, my car service was 30minutes late to pick me up from the office, so I told my driver to step on it. And I get flicked the bird pulling into the airport exit. Fuck off, like I give a shit, you shouldn’t have been driving that piece of crap on the highways of NYC anyways, people like you make this traffic worse than it already is, what happens when your pos, breks down? You slow down traffic for the rest of us. Right, so it sucks for you and us, why don’t you take mass transit, I ralize you might have places to go, and so do we all we all have places to go, but if you must drive on the highways, make sure you are not driving a Korean pos. what is that thing anyways, im knowledgable , call me a car connoisseur if you will, I can look at a cars headlights and tell you what it is. But this thing? Looks like a elentral got into a gang bang with a few domestic cars and out came your pos that you are driving. No wonder you drive it like that, you are ashamed to have it, I would be too.

And im not a snob, I never drove around in leather wrapped seats, or hhad wi-fi in the back seat……regardless once again, I have gone on a writing rage and went somewhere else with this convo.

Getting back to my indecision, as the clock ticks and I can almost hear the digital clock ticking, as I want to hear it ticking, I want the time to go by so my fliggh time is near, and I just get on this fucking airplane and not worry about which way I should be going east or west. My mind tells me to go west, it tells me that I should be going to California dn the other half tells me that I have not seen any of thse friends ina really really long time and that I should be oign t London, ok, so I have mad eup my mind

thrill of the chase!

So I think it was just as the title says, it was just a thrill of the chase, now that we have been seeing each other for a few months and now that we are sleeping with each other, now go figure this girl is hot she is pretty amazingly hot shes got everything I could every want in a girl except for one thing, in order for me to be in another relationship I need her to be there. She’s too much of a party animal, well not an animal but she likes to party what can I say she’s young not her fault, guess I’m just mad because I am sitting at home watching CSI as she’s out in the city doing god knows what. This is’nt going to work I’m suppose to be the wild and crazy one if we are both the same type thats not going to work for shit. I’m not feeling this anymore. I dont sit at home and wonder this is bull shit…

c*ck tease

Its been a while, and I just got excited about blogging this entry, as tired as I am and as much as I need to prepare for this meeting I have to get this of my chest real quick. Oh so I decided to post often and make my entries short so you don’t have to, who ever you are, read essay’s like the ones I have been writing in the past. ok ok on to last night.

Its a Tuesday night and I came home and heated dinner while I watched triple X, no not a porno you know the vin diesel movie? dont know why, I guess looking at him makes me kind of want to work out and I needed to hit the weights for a bit so it helped me, regardless. 9pm, in comes this dame (wow did I just say that), haven’t seen her in a few weeks maybe more than a month, meet her in the driveway, I know it and she knows it that she’s just a co*k tease, she love coming over and taking her clothes off and teasing me with her 34c’s , nice let me tell ya, a womans body the chest the hips not a twig.. blond hair and big brown yes, and good skin , good skin is very very important.

At this point I am sipping on my bottle of scotch, and I have no more beers left in the house, so I go out and get some, we sit on the couch watching TV, we laydown, we give each other back rubs, we go to sleep. Yea around 3am we went to bed, no. We did not fuck! we actually went to sleep, I knew what she wanted she just wanted to be a tease and get my *ick hard, so she did and I let her have the pleasure of doing so. I wanted to let her know that you know what? I don’t give two shits. She expected me to beg? or whine? bitch don’t you this this is ME? I don’t do that shit. Why I asked her to come over, I just wanted to see if her tits got any bigger from the last time I saw her. p.s. remember that girl? the one thats out of town? the one I have been going crazy over? yea she’s still out of town I guess I want to see what happens with that when she gets back? wait am I going normal? dedicating myself to one girl? what the fuck is happening?

Un productive!

It feels like someone is trying to force my eye lids shut, I can barely keep them open. That beer was not a good idea at lunch, specially not after I came to work with a sick hang over already; got home a 3am didn’t even shower when I got home I was so tired, I usually try to shower after I have $ex, I was pretty trashed when I got home, but damn was it good… I feel guilty as hell though, I don’t know It felt good at the time, but after… like right now… all day I have been feeling like shit..I shouldest have cheated on her. No excuses this time, I just shouldn’t have cheated on her. Its friday night and by the time I get home hopefully which is not too late

Never took the time!

Slammed at 80mph! thank god the roads dark and straight, I’m buzzin right now, music; I need music, not quite sure whats in the cd changer anymore, I haven’t put a cd in that thing in a while, it plays mp3 cd’s so theres a mess of music in there. Never took the time to know me…. la la la… wait thats Akon, this totally reminds me of my ex. oh yea I didint tell you, she left me after 5years of dating… yea we did’nt go out for 5 years straight we had our break ups and make ups but we had something, something real. I miss her like crazy… Well if you get a chance listen to the song… Never took the time- by – Akon…. Its about how the girl that he was with never really took the time to know him, but she was still his girlfriend, we get so wrapped up in what we have to do in our day to day being a bf or a gf that we really forget to actually be there, be there like we should, and we really dont get to know the other person for who they really are, we kind of fake our selves.

I tried to upload the song here but its not working , go to imeem.com and give it a shot if you really give a shit.

Wed night.

Going out for a drink with that girl I mentioned to you about, so we are kind of seeing each other. She’s leaving soon to go on another business trip… more on that later, if I remember shit I gotta meet her in 15…cars in the garage and I still have to drive about 10min or so. More on the night later.